I'm sorry I haven't posted in a while, but I became quite busy with, well, Carl. That's right; Carl is here. He was born 7 lbs 13 oz 20". 1 point away from a perfect apgar score.

And I suppose you want the birth story.
   
On April  18th, I had an appointment with my midwife. I was dilated 4 cm when I went in, and she offered to swipe my membranes. I accepted, and she said to stay in town and maybe walk around the mall for a couple hours before heading off. So we walked around the mall and my contractions started to get painful. I went to the food court and ate a sandwich. I went to spencers and read 'Go the F*ck to Sleep.' When I was getting contractions so bad I couldn't walk, I called the midwife, and she sent me to the hospital.
  And so starts the real labor. For what felt like hours I went through the worst pain in my life. I couldn't stay comfortable. I went from the toilet to the bath to the bed to a chair and finally stayed in bed. I attempted to get an iv to start fluids to get an epidural, but my veins kept blowing. I think about 5 different nurses tried. I finally got sick of it and decided to wing it. It's a good thing I did, anyway, because I didn't have time for an epidural. When the really intense pain came and I couldn't move at all, I sort of squatted on the bed while pushing and got on my hands and knees between contractions. When he started crowning was the most relief I've ever had; It meant it was finally almost over. When he came out and they gave him to me, he didn't cry. He cooed. He was so content. I think at that moment I knew what true happiness is.

I honestly really wish I would have told the nurses not to give him shots or a bath right away. I meant to, but I completely spaced it. A flock of people came in and started taking pictures. I wish I said no visitors. After that everything went  a tad downhill. He went into very minor shock. His temperature dropped and he refused to nurse. 6 hours after his birth, his blood sugar was dropping and we had to give him formula. But after he figured out that sucking helped eating, he did fantastic. His temerature went back up and his blood sugar balanced. All the while, he was perfectly content just looking around and snuggling up to me. Ever since, he has been perfectly healthy and happy.

I could not be happier. He's even more than I had hoped for. Don't get me wrong, I didn't get pregnant on purpose, but this was definitely meant to be.

Updates n shit

              There really isn't much going on right now. I find out the gender in 6 days, so that'll be fun. My mom is being so territorial over my baby when Tony's around. She just won't drop it. It's driving me insane. She acts like this isn't even his baby, like she has more right than he does to be there. She got really pissed off at me for telling her that I'm moving out when I'm 18. It was just casual conversation, too. We were talking about what I was going to do after I graduate. Why did she get mad? Because apparently, moving across town, in a town that's only 3 miles across, is just a cruel way of separating her from the baby.
                It's really gotten to the point where Tony's mom is acting more rational than her.
                I feel like I've been emotionally drained. And now that I'm showing, I get even more stares, because there's no denying that something is growing in me. Though, when I feel her kick or move, I'm absolutely overwhelmed by a sense of love and calmness. That also happens when I'm with Tony. I feel so safe with him. Most of my fears leave when he's around. I'm terrified of the dark, but with him, I don't even notice it. It's also gotten to the point that when I say I'm scared of something, he doesn't ask questions and he doesn't push it. He says that he knows enough about my past and there's no sense bringing it up again and getting me worked up. He's right, too. I imagine it would be unhealthy for the baby.
                   There really isn't much else to say. I'll be gone for a while, though, since I'm moving. Wish me luck.

week 13 review

         Nothing has really happened at all. At this point I'm just twiddling my thumbs waiting for something to happen. Both me and Tony. I'm in my second trimester and now there's not much going on. I'm supposed to be moving soon. I've gotten a lot bigger and I'm extremely tired of eating healthy. I got WIC yesterday, and that will help a lot when I move. I've lost weight, still. Although at my 12 week ultrasound the baby was perfect, and longer than average.
          Symptoms are rare for me now. I get a lot of hip pain and back pain, though. My gums are swollen and they bleed a lot.
          Really sorry for the boring post, but at least things are calming down a bit. My camera is charged, so you get pictures this week!

                                                                                    12 weeks 3 days

                                                                                       12 weeks 3 days

                                                                       14 weeks 4 days

                                                                                 14 weeks 4 days

Week 12 Review

       Not much happened this week. Tony's parents are running out of things to gossip about, so now they're just starving for something to say about me. Their new thing is that they think this pregnancy was planned. I just want to say, why the fuck would I do that? I was striving to be a model. I was striving to have at least a month of no excitement in my life. I had sex with out a condom. That's it. Nothing more to it than lusty teenagers to lazy to get more condoms.
       I feel so stupid. How could I do something like that? I've always been the responsible teenager. That chick that rejected everyone. That girl that was so against irresponsible teenagers. And now look at me! Now when I walk around town I get stared at. It's a relatively small town and I was very known around school. So everyone knows who I am, and everyone knows I'm pregnant. I go to school out of town though. Upstairs, it's just an alternative school. It's actually pretty great. Downstairs it's rebound, the alternative alternative school, where kids that are super unbehaved go. Then also downstairs is the Teen Parent Program. For teenagers pregnant, or already with children. Rebound only gets a tiny little room, but TPP has half the downstairs. There's two nurseries, and the classroom. I don't really talk to most of the girls there. I mean, I have casual conversation, but I don't really have actual conversations.
      Symptom wise, I have had a couple days of nausea, a migraine, and more depression. And also happiness. Like, at the same time. I just want to move out already.
      And that's about it. No camera, no pictures.

Week 11 Review

       Everything sucks, but I've been feeling better. Probably because of the Prozac. Yes, I'm taking Prozac. The risks do not outweigh the benefits. I need to go to school, and I need to feel motivated. Plus, the baby can feel what I feel. So, if I'm stressed out, so is Lucy.
       So, Tony is a carrier of Cystic Fibrosis, or CF. So am I. So our baby has a 1 in 4 chance of having Cystic fibrosis. While I carry the most severe gene for CF, Tony carries a very mild gene for CF. So pretty much, as a lot of people know, you get half your genetics from your dad, and the other half from your mom. If the half I passed on to the baby has MY mutated gene, but Tony did not pass on HIS mutated gene, then the baby will then be a carrier of Classic CF, but not have CF. Same thing goes if Tony gives his CF gene and I don't give mine. So if we BOTH pass on our mutated genes, the will the have Cystic Fibrosis.
       For those who don't know, Cystic Fibrosis is common;y said to be the worst genetic disease you can get, and the most common in deadly genetic diseases. It effects most organs. While deadly in a lot of cases, if Lucy has CF, and she is a girl, she will be asymptomatic. If she turns out to be a boy, he would have mild symptoms and is at risk for being sterile. While 55% of people in the US with CF don't make it past 17 years of age, our child would be expected to live into their 50's. Which is saying a lot for such a bad disease.
       Okay, on to symptoms. Nausea has been coming back in the mornings, food aversions are also coming back pretty strong. That's about it. Not really any mood problems. I'm actually packing to move out. With my mom. I'd say it would be a lot of fun but sarcasm doesn't work on the internet that way.

I don't have any pictures because my camera is out of juice.

Week 10 Review

     Yep, I officially dislike almost everything. Mostly things about people. I can't stand them. What's so different about me right now? I'm pregnant? And that makes me different how? I'm still the same person! I just don't do risky things anymore. I'm sorry I'm not fun anymore, I'm sorry I don't party anymore, I'm sorry I don't drink or smoke anymore. But trust me, I'm not sorry. If you didn't know me enough before to find me interesting when I wasn't drunk, then that's your damn problem. I AM going to take care of my baby, whether you like or not. How was I stupid enough to even hang around that kind of crowd, anyway? I'm lucky my geeky(awesome) friends still love me enough that they still accept me as awesome after nearly forgetting about them. I feel so bad. I got a new group of friends, and I abandoned my real friends. And I missed them, to tell the truth. I missed having intelligent conversations, and talking about science and and math and shit. I missed it! I am a geek. I will always be so. I find math exciting. I love science. I know useless facts about a lot of things that don't even matter. I like learning. Does that really make me a boring person? Wait, I can't hear your answer over my scholarship. I'm done with people. And I know I was worried about the environment my baby is going to be in, but to be honest, I think I can do this. There's a program, actually several, that can help me get housing. I'm not considered "homeless," so they can't help me very much, but if I live with a friend, they'll pay for my living costs. I was so worked up last week. I was just overwhelmed, I guess. But I stayed the entire week end at Megan's house, and I feel great. I really do love her family. They accept me. They've known me so long that they can recognize my facial expressions, however blank my face is. I don't usually show my emotions. Everyone always takes the opportunity to stomp on them and tell me I'm wrong.  So, of course, when I told them that I'm pregnant, they knew I was nervous about their reaction. They reminded me how wonderful I am with kids, and bad situations, and told me that me getting pregnant was no different to them from me getting pregnant at 25, or 30. They're not even ashamed. I mean, they would never encourage me to have a baby this young, but now that I am, they're just happy for me. And I can talk to Laurie(Megan's mom) about weird stuff going on with pregnancy and she'll laugh with me about them, instead of getting all serious and what not.
           Anyway, can you tell I'm in a good mood? Symptom time! My nausea is now uncommon. Though, I do still have it once every 3 or 4 days. Mood swings are the same. Hormones are the same. Same shitty days, just a better attitude. Guess I'm getting used to it. My muscles hurt so bad. So do my joints. I keep getting woken up by joint pain in my hips, knees, ankles, and wrists. I keep getting sad about everything. But then again, is there anything except my intelligence that might help in this situation? Is hopes of college, and a better future all that makes me happy at this point? Even when I'm with  Tony, all I do is worry. He wants to move to Oregon. Near Coos Bay. There's more opportunities there. And he has family there. As much as I hate this God forsaken state, I don't want to move. Or maybe I do. I wouldn't have to worry about too many people, except Tony's family. They're not too bad over there, though. How am I supposed make friends over there? Everyone is different. I mean, it's halfway across the country! I don't know how to relate to them, and I don't like making friends. How can they be trusted? Maybe I'll just go to support groups and stuff. Like for new mothers. Maybe a yoga class, or something like that.
          I seem to be going into the same state I was when I was abused. Nothing is safe, don't go out alone, keep your guard up, don't show your emotions, don't share your opinion, don't do anything to make people notice you, don't trust anyone, avoid family. Yep, I'm stressed. Before, people could talk shit, but I was still an over-achiever. Now they have a reason to bash me and my opinion. 3 more weeks and I can start my medication. For depression, and various other things I don't like talking about. Depression is extremely common, and I can hide it from no one, so I may as well admit I have it. I could've taken medication during the first trimester, but I was seeing how I would do with out it. I would prefer not taking any pills during any time of my pregnancy, but I don't think I can last much longer with out. I'm not talking about suicide, just a breakdown. Then I'd go to the hospital, and then they'd be all like, "Yeah, about that parenting thing..." And then they'd take my baby. If I get overwhelmed I know to ask for help. And with anti-depressants, I'm just like everyone else, just with pills.
                       I guess I don't have much else to talk about.  Here's some picture, which took me forever because my hands keep trembling for some odd reason.

                                                            11 weeks, 3 days

                                                                     11 weeks, 3 days.
I may as well explain the dots on my tummy. The one below my belly button is a freckle, the top left dot is a third nipple, the top middle dot is a scar from a turtle taking a chunk of me. and the top right dot is a scar, from being bitten by a brown recluse. The cuts are from when I was anorexic, I cut every part of my body that I wanted to be smaller.Which was every part of my body.

Breakfast time! :D

I'm so bored.

I'm bored, so I'm going to say random things about myself that other people find weird.

• I won't drink soda out of a can if it has been out of my sight. This is due to the fact that a yellow sac spider once laid eggs in my sweet tea during the 7 minutes I left it unattended.
• I once bought Skittles at a ball game just to throw them at people. When you're in a crowd of people, it's pretty fun to watch them look for who did it.
• I have tan lines on my feet from my flip-flops.
• I have a 16 year old Miniature Schnauzer name Fritsy.
• My belly is now covered in hair from the hormones. 
• I've had a Linea Nigra since I was 9. It's actually faded a little since I've been pregnant.
• I have a happy trail, always have. No one ever believes me.
• There is always room in my tummy for McDonalds french fries.
• I used to ha- IF MY DAMN DOG DOESN'T STOP BARKING I'M GOING TO F*CKING do absolutely nothing because my grandma won't let him in from the cold weather-ve a bunch of exotic fish. I went to the hospital and they let the DUMBEST PERSON TO EVER ENTER OUR HOUSE TAKE CARE OF THEM. She didn't feed them the entire time I was gone. Which was almost a month. Only my Anglefish survived. I think that's because his name is Lord Voldemort. Well, actually, she's a girl. She laid eggs. But I still call her Voldemort. 
• I also now have a Beta Fish named David Bowie.
• I lick random objects. Not to look weird or funny, but because I just like tasting things....I guess. I have no clue why I lick things. It's just a really weird habit I have.

Well, that's all I have for now because dinner is ready and I'm hungry.