Week 8 Review

      I'm really getting sick of people's opinions. Yep, I'm pregnant. Is it your business to ask me if why I didn't have an abortion? No. I'm never even the one to bring up the subject! Everybody knows, so they feel that they have to put their two cents in. I don't brag about this. I'm extremely ashamed. So why do people always have to insult me, or make me feel like shit in some way. Even other pregnant teens are snotty to me! I don't understand what her problem is. Maybe she's jealous because my boyfriend is still around. Maybe she's naturally a bitch. I don't know. We're always told not to judge people from their attitude in my school, but why does pregnancy give her the right to treat me the way she is? If I did that, I get in a shitload of trouble. But, whatever, she moved. 50 miles away. Thank God. I didn't know what to do. Confronting her, even nicely would cause drama. Even if I talked to a teacher about it. I'm not exactly the favorite. The teachers never listen to me.
       I don't mean to single her out but everyone at school was pretty pissed off at her. Anyway, symptom-wise, it's awkward to sit down because I feel so bloated. I didn't expect that until later. Usually you only see women sitting down awkwardly when they're really big. It feels like I got stabbed in both sides of my chest and the knives are being twisted. All. The. Time. It hurts so bad. I already don't fit in most of my bras. I'm nauseous from sun down to morning. If I eat in that time period, even if I'm not nauseous, I will throw up. And it's sudden. Like the last time I threw up. I was just doing dishes and all the sudden my whole breakfast came up. I have to eat breakfast at school. My back hurts a lot, and no massage or position helps it. My legs go numb really easy and I don't quite understand that.
        I may have found an apartment. However, with my mother's record, we may not be accepted. It's a decent apartment. We'd have a back porch, and a garage, which is more than I've ever had. I'm hoping my mom will let me have the master bedroom since Lucy will be sharing a room with me. Which I don't mind. I'd rather she be right there anyway. I can't wait to move. No loud noises, no nagging from my Grandma, no snide comments. Just me, my mom, and Lucy. And Tony. While he won't be living with us, he'll be over a lot.
       Anyway, I am now 9 weeks, and 3 days. The thought of holding my baby both scares and excites me. I'm not sure why it scares me. I've taken care of newborns before. I'm scared of labor, too. I have narrow, sensitive hips. I'm almost certain they'll break. I don't know, though. Everyone is scared of labor. It's not exactly the funnest thing to do. I get this feeling when I think of her. It's like a really different feeling. I've never felt this way. I feel like a mother. Is that normal this early?

                                                                              9 wk 3 d

                                                             Another angle to get a perspective.
       I feel like when I got pregnant, everyone forgot that I'm a top student, everyone forgot that I was the family babysitter, everyone forgot who I am. My family didn't like me before, but now they REALLY don't like me. I don't understand how I could be stupid enough to not use a condom. I honestly can't believe myself! How could I be so irresponsible? How could we both be so irresponsible? At first we were really strict on condoms. Then we relaxed on it. I don't even know why. We ran out of condoms and we put off getting more, I guess. That was stupid. Now instead of paying 13 bucks, we're paying several thousand a year.